We’ve written about, and will write more about, this topic – but the summary is, people think that if someone near them is doing behavior X, it will cause them pain. They think that if someone near them is misbehaving according to God, then they will feel pain from God as a result.
This is an old, old cultural scar. Homophobia, racism, legalism, basically all kinds of hatred are examples of this. It’s a lie that people believe and respond to: “I need to control you, or something bad will happen to me. I need you to be what I think God wants, or we won’t be safe.”
We’ve gone over and over the ground of how people try to keep themselves safe. We even know part of why people do this – because of the one fear, the fear of being alone because of who you truly are. We do crazy, damaging things trying to keep ourselves and our relationships safe – and we do crazy, damaging things trying to make the people around us into our definition of safe as a result.
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” (Matthew 18:1-5)
Children
lolz
We were talking about this Bible verse, because we do that thanks to the magic of an app that spits out a Bible verse every day. Laine mentioned how this seemed legit, because children really are interesting and uncommon in their faith.
“That’s why kids are curious, and why they accept new information so easily. They don’t assume they’re right about…much.”
– Laine
And…children are pretty flexible. It’s true. They’re very sure about the world, but also they approach it knowing that they probably don’t understand it. Their only job is to learn, for at least the first 14-16 years. And since they change almost daily, they learn how to adapt simply in order to…wake up every day. This has the effect of them being very sure about the world – until something tells them to change.
Adults
“Adults go all hear-no-evil because their houses of cards are confused by new input.”
– Laine again
Adults build houses of cards based on the things they think keep them safe. Layer upon layer of flimsy, and foundations built on shifting sand. These houses of cards, despite being wobbly by nature, are rigid. They have to be held perfectly still, because if you even breathe too hard on a house of cards…the whole thing topples. So adults hold their breath, and they by and large tread lightly. People with house-of-cards models hate hearing things that disagree with their view of the world – which is unfortunate, because reality, and God, very often throw new information at us. Often this information is beautiful, if only we can manage to avoid running away from it long enough to allow it in.
God is going to force change, and growth. Not a single one of us is perfect or fully formed, and we do stupid things that hurt ourselves in the name of self-protection. God protects us from ourselves, and that means sometimes we have to change even if we don’t want to – and that means that not a single one of us can actually stay perfectly still or hold our breath for any length of time.
We can fight against the wind or we can go where it takes us – but either way, a house of cards won’t survive.
Conflict, too, is necessary for change and growth. It’s necessary for the growth of each of us, and it’s also necessary for the growth of the relationships we try to stumble through while we lug our baggage along behind us. The houses of cards that represent our relationships are even more elaborate – and even more fragile.
Adapt
At some point, children grow up. They start to get their own scars and their own baggage, and they start building models of reality that don’t hurt as much as actual reality. The begin to build the house of cards, and they lose all of the flex that makes them able to have the kind of faith that can bend without collapsing at the slightest breeze.
You gotta’ keep some flex in your models.
Some things are certain. But really, “certain” just means it takes a whole lot to convince someone otherwise. God, for example, exists. He exists, and he is good, and he cares about each of us individually. That’s certain. But…actually, that just means that we’re really really sure, because there’s a lot of evidence and we’ve been over that ground a lot.
Other things, like “OpenShift is the best Kubernetes platform,” eh. Maybe we should be open to new information about that, and maybe not being certain about it would be beneficial. Maybe it’s the best for some people, or even most people – and maybe it doesn’t work at all sometimes.
You have to have a foundation that’s built on things that are real – not cards precariously stacked. And…on top of that foundation, you gotta’ keep some flex in your models. You gotta’ be open to being wrong. You have to allow for wind, and breath, and change. The alternative is ignoring reality, and ignoring God, and that’s a dangerous path to go down.
A long time ago (comparatively, time moves very oddly these days…), I (Laine) wrote this post about my experience thus far with the first church I’d ever regularly attended. Coming to Christianity as an adult has been…an experience. Especially as a strong, capable, independent, female (I wish it didn’t matter, but I’m not convinced it doesn’t) adult who is as committed to God as I know how to be.
See, the thing is, I came to Christianity as an adult – I did not come to faithas an adult. My faith is independent of any church, and my relationship with God is the oldest, strongest relationship I have.
We’re (hopefully) taught some important things as children:
you can do anything you set your mind to, so aim high
we’re all representatives of humanity, and being part of humanity comes with some responsibilities – vote, take care of the environment, take care of each other, etc
do what you think is right, even if all your friends are doing what you think is wrong
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” John 10:11
The Bible talks about sacrifice a lot. Sacrificing for each other, sacrificing to serve God. The Gospel, the most important story arc in the Bible, is in part about Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice – his death, yes, but more his complete and utter separation from God when he needed God the most. Unfortunately, over the past 2000 years, the definition of sacrifice has been broken to the point where it’s used to do more harm than good.
I used to think there was an emotional state of “no fear.” Entirely unafraid, about all things, all the time. I thought this was a real, legitimate place I should be trying to get to.
Laine (and God (L: it was mostly God…)) corrected me.
There are always new sources of fear. This world is broken. The people living here are broken. Things go wrong. Our dreams fail, and our hopes die. Our relationships can break, our jobs can suck, people can hurt us. We make choices and the people we love make choices, and it doesn’t always seem like it could possibly work out.
Come, all you weary.
Come, gather ’round near me,
find rest for your soul.
– Thrice, Come All You Weary
“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Come, all you weary.