Most of Succeeding at Life is About Being Able to Deal with Rejection
Succeeding at Life
Succeeding at life is being shiny – living, sure and certain, in your purpose that God gave you as best as you currently understand it, and letting your soul shine. Letting the joy of being you flow out of yourself and everything you do. This is hard to do, and it’s hard to maintain. It’s difficult, and it’s complicated, but it really comes down to two things:
- Doing what you’re supposed to do
- Not being afraid of rejection for being yourself
If you have both of those going on, in our experience, you’ll have a lot of joy, and a lot of fun. You’ll attract people who like your vibe, and you’ll have an impact in the ways you’re supposed to.
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
– Sassy Chocolate
What is rejection?
Rejection is when people turn their backs on you. If they’re superficial, they’ll potentially reject you because they don’t like your hair or they think you dress funny (middle school flashbaaaacks… -L). Please ignore these superficial rejections, and the superficial people who spout them – you’ll be much better off. Sure, dress and groom yourself, is good plans, but do so in a way that brings you joy and is consistent with who you really are.
Some people might reject because they hate. They hate what you say, or how you say it. They hate your category or your kind. Their fear gets so intense that they reject enough to turn someone into “not a person” in their eyes, and they begin to try to force the person they hate to change.
Hate is rejecting someone enough to de-humanize them, and then trying to destroy them because they don’t agree with you, and because they won’t allow themselves to be controlled.
There are two reasons that people hate because of other people’s words and ideas:
- They’re afraid they’re wrong.
- They’re afraid that someone else being wrong near them will cause them pain.
We’ve seen both of these, over and over – in other people, and in ourselves. These are the times that we get scared and panicky about the words that other people say. The first reason is particularly insidious, because if you start down the spiral of wondering if you’re wrong, it can mean finding that you’ve been wrong for a long time – which, if you’re committed to living the way God wants you to live, could mean changing a lot in your life in potentially painful ways. And even if you don’t find that you’re wrong, you start to wonder if your conclusions about “right” and “wrong” are even accurate, and… paniiiiic. Hate is unnecessary if you truly believe that God has ultimate authority over people – because then it doesn’t matter if people agree with you, or if you’re wrong, or if someone is wrong near you.
The worst kind of rejection, though, worse than the other two, is being rejected for who and what you really, truly are.
Everyone is afraid of being alone.
After much observation, discussion, pattern matching, and self-study, we’ve determined that people are most afraid of being alone for who they are. Every fear boils down to that, actually. And people choose to make horrible compromises in the name of avoiding this outcome. Our choice here appears to be a) be authentically rejected, to feel our actual souls being rejected from the people we love or b) change to be what we are not.
Most of us have learned to pre-make this choice. We just…permanently become what we think other people are most likely to accept. We tell ourselves that who we truly are is not worth being if it means being alone. We reject ourselves. And in the midst of this, we’re still afraid. We’re afraid that who we are will slip out, and that accidentally being ourselves will mean that others will reject us. Even worse, because we spend all of that time rejecting ourselves, we’re afraid that the people we love should reject us. And…worst of all, we’re afraid that we should decide to go away because of who and what we are.
But…the problem here (one of many) is that none of these choices are based in reality.
Can you do anything about it anyway?
So…why are none of these choices based in reality?
Control is an illusion.
No matter how much you might want to, and how worth it it might seem, you can’t make people stay by modifying who you are. You can’t make people stay. They have to choose to stay.
We are never totally alone.
God is always with us. He is always ready to take our hand, and sit on a park bench (or take a walk if we’re feeling antsy), and talk with us. He is always watching out for us, and he is always working for our good. In addition, if we’re very lucky and God makes it happen, we will find some ride or dies.
Ride or Die: (n) someone who is always by your side and will never leave. They have your back no matter what. They would do anything for you and will fight for you. They go through hell and back with you.
– Urban Dictionary
Never Alone for Who You Are
Okay, so if we’re never going to be really alone, the real choice we face is, “will we change ourselves for people who don’t much like the real us in order to keep them around?”
The true choice we face is, “will we change ourselves for people who don’t much like the real us in order to keep them around?”
That’s got to be a choice you make. But we strongly suggest “f$%# those guys” as a response, with a side of, “but why would I DO that?” People who don’t love the real you, your real soul, are not worth modifying your soul for. If people will reject you for not changing your soul for them, if the cost to keep them in your life is paid for with your soul as currency, then you get an amazing deal if they go. So…they can go. Peace out. Thanks for being clear, bros!
We aren’t actually saying that this is always easy. Taking a very hard look at the relationships you once thought were vital and realizing that they fall into this category is hard. And it’s scary. But even harder and scarier is continuing to give away, sever, and make as small as possible pieces of yourself.
If the people who don’t love the real you, your real soul, are not worth modifying your soul for, there’s another side of that coin. The people who might be worth modifying your soul for, the ride or dies who do love your soul, will fight you if you try.
Find these people – the people who fight for your soul because they think it’s so awesome. Find the people who are clear about loving you, and who work really hard to do it well. Don’t make changes to your soul for people. It’s too valuable for that.
God will always be there. And there will be brothers and sisters who are tight, and who stay, and who fight with you. So…be yourself, and shine.