There’s No Absence of Fear
I used to think there was an emotional state of “no fear.” Entirely unafraid, about all things, all the time. I thought this was a real, legitimate place I should be trying to get to.
Laine (and God (L: it was mostly God…)) corrected me.
There are always new sources of fear. This world is broken. The people living here are broken. Things go wrong. Our dreams fail, and our hopes die. Our relationships can break, our jobs can suck, people can hurt us. We make choices and the people we love make choices, and it doesn’t always seem like it could possibly work out.
Okay but why is there always fear?
People learn via experience, which means that as soon as any painful, broken thing happens once, we anticipate (fear) that it will happen again. It’s…actually pretty legit to fear.
You can squish fear. Ignore it, or shove it down as far in your soul as it will go. Lock it up in a definitely very secure cage. This is a plan, and it’s a plan that you can probably run for a good long while – but it doesn’t actually make the fear go away. The fear just sits, and waits, and builds up over time, steadily increasing the overall noise that fear makes in a soul, and steadily increasing the mental drain to try to live anyway.
We, as western society, generally don’t address fear well. We mostly default to not addressing it at all. We try to handle everything ourselves, which means not showing too much emotion so that no one knows we really aren’t handling anything at all. Fear tends to make us show a lot of emotions – and so we hide our fear. We hide from the people we love while we bury it in our vices and we block it out with our pills.
When Laine and I were learning about panic as a response to fear, we ended up with the following bit of wisdom about how to tell if you’re afraid:
If you say with certainty that you’re not panicking – that’s how you know you’re definitely panicking.
Everyone’s Afraid
The goal should not be the absence of fear. People who’ve been through great trials say similar things:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears.” (John McCain)
“Bravery isn’t the absence of fear. It’s doing the right thing in the middle of it.” (Us)
What are you afraid of? If you can’t name something, you’re definitely squishing some fear. And squishing your feelings is bad.
“DON’T PANIC.”
– The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
But I don’t mean that you should panic. You don’t need to panic. There’s another answer, a real answer.
The Answer
“The Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is…42.”
– The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
…no. Not that answer.
There’s no way to banish all fear. You have to learn how to co-exist with it, and we’ve said before – let it rise and fall and fade. But there’s more too – you can seek and have active peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (Jesus, John 14:27)
For this is what the LORD says: “I will extend peace to her like a river…” (God, Isaiah 66:12)
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say – it is well, it is well, with my soul.
This is a big Christian meme: “peace like a river.” I never understood how a river could be like peace. A river is always active, it’s always moving. Even if the surface is peaceful, all you have to do is jump in and try to stand still, and you realize that it’s a battle. The river is active, fighting against you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
But…actually, that’s the point. We think it’s a battle, but it’s actually hope. And peace. God wraps us up in his peace, and it’s bigger and stronger than we could ever be. We can try to fight it, and we often do – but the right answer is to relax in it and let it carry us to him. The right answer is to trust, and to let go – and to allow God’s peace to flow over us and carry us where we need to be.