{"id":2051,"date":"2019-01-15T10:02:47","date_gmt":"2019-01-15T15:02:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/soul-repairs.com\/?p=2051"},"modified":"2019-01-14T17:50:21","modified_gmt":"2019-01-14T22:50:21","slug":"ummm-i-have-a-question-actually-i-have-about-50","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/soul-repairs.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/15\/ummm-i-have-a-question-actually-i-have-about-50\/","title":{"rendered":"Ummm…I have a question…actually I have about 50."},"content":{"rendered":"

Being a person is hard.<\/em><\/p>\n

This is just science. The only way<\/span>\u00a0it’s easy is if: a) you’re lying to yourself, or b) you aren’t paying a lot of attention to yourself or the world around you. People are broken, but we also have God in us, and the conflict between Team Damaged<\/em>\u00a0and Team Divine<\/em> means that…\u00a0being a person is hard<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The conflict between Team Damaged<\/strong>\u00a0and Team Divine<\/strong> means that…\u00a0being a person is hard.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n

And if you’re thinking, “ughhh, not one of\u00a0those<\/em> posts, not a God stuff<\/em> post…” I get it. It’s okay with me if you feel that way. I used to think the same thing. I trained myself to avoid people talking about God stuff<\/em> like the plague, because it hurt too much to be around it and feel like I was excluded. It hurt too much to feel like I didn’t understand what I needed in order to be allowed in the club, and also<\/em>\u00a0like I didn’t have permission to get what I needed in order to understand.<\/p>\n

I’m starting to see that a lot of people feel that way, though. A lot of people don’t understand the things that religion tries so hard to explain – because they’re\u00a0complicated<\/em>, actually. Souls and God are both<\/em>\u00a0complicated<\/em>, and trying to align the one to the other with Team Damaged screaming at you at the same time is…well, you get the idea.<\/p>\n

There also seem to be layers upon layers of understanding to God stuff.\u00a0He’s a complicated dude<\/em>, we just acknowledged this. So…you think you understand and you roll on through your life, and…then God smacks you upside the head with something and you realize you never\u00a0actually\u00a0<\/em>understood but\u00a0now you definitely do<\/em>. Eventually you get to the point where you\u00a0know<\/em> you don’t understand, and that manages to be both better and worse.<\/p>\n

Eventually you get to the point where you\u00a0know<\/strong> you don’t understand, and that manages to be both better and worse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I don’t learn like very many other people as far as I can tell – my native language is connections\u00a0(thanks ADHD and also God, haha meta!)<\/em>, and when information is presented to me in an entirely linear fashion, I get bored and I get frustrated and I tune out. If it’s safely<\/em> interactive, if I feel like I can ask\u00a0literally any question and also ALL questions<\/em> that pop into my head, I am…massively\u00a0relieved<\/em>. I also learn faster and I actually understand<\/em>. Sermons are not typically interactive – so, historically, I would go to church, and I would nod and smile and only understand a quarter<\/del>\u00a0a tenth of what was said, and I would feel too scared to ask anyone\u00a0what the heck were you talking about and also what about this other thing that you won’t think is connected and also feels vaguely offensive to ask?<\/em><\/p>\n

One of the first things I learned about organized religion that blew my mind was that it’s intended to be easily accessible,\u00a0true community<\/strong>. Family. A safe(ish) place<\/em>.\u00a0People who will fight as hard as they can for you, and accept the same back, among many other things. Church is intended to be community because\u00a0serving God and also being a person<\/strong> is hard<\/em>. True community helps that, it makes it not only bearable but joyful –\u00a0<\/em>but true community is very very rare. Churches are\u00a0organizations.\u00a0<\/em>If enough attention and love is dedicated to the organization, a church can also<\/strong>\u00a0be a community. But very few organizations (not just churches!) dedicate enough attention and love to the health of the organization itself. This is hard enough when it goes wrong in a workplace, or a social group – but when it goes wrong in a church, it goes very painfully wrong<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

I think that most of the churches I tried before my church didn’t\u00a0intend<\/em> to discourage questions. I had my own issues, most easily summarized as,\u00a0my soul sure seems a lot louder than anyone can handle stop it stop it stop iiiiit<\/em>, and maybe if I had worked up the nerve to ask questions they would have been answered thoroughly and with an open mind. The problem is that no one wants to be judged and found lacking\u00a0by a church<\/em>.\u00a0Being found lacking by a church means, to most people, being found lacking by God<\/em> – and whether that’s a healthy or accurate connection is probably an entirely\u00a0other\u00a0<\/em>blog post.<\/p>\n

All forms of seeking God and seeking to understand God should be welcome in a church. Not just welcome, actually – encouraged<\/em>. Celebrated and\u00a0supported, protected and<\/em> defended<\/em>,<\/strong>\u00a0by the community within. If a church discourages attempts to understand God and share that understanding with the people within the church, they’re doing something very wrong<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

So…\u00a0tl;dr<\/a>:<\/em><\/p>\n